[MUSIC PLAYING]
"The following is a list...
"of exciting extracurricular activities...
"offered to you, the student...
"by your Philadelphia Board of Education.
"Each student shall select one exciting activity...
"Vocabulary Club"...
Too exciting.
Mr. Matthews, please.
It wasn't me, it was Shawn.
Same thing.
All right, "Debate Team...
"Scuba Club...
"Upholstery Squad."
Scuba Club?
Underwater adventure.
- I'm in. - Me, too.
Well, I for one plan to stimulate my intellect...
and will therefore choose between the Vocabulary Club...
and the Debate Team.
I would enjoy communing with the creatures of the sea.
I choose scuba.
Slap me in a wet suit and throw me overboard.
Can anyone tell me what the acronym SCUBA is?
Mr. Matthews?
Duba?
Scuba duba.
Mr. Matthews, I have obviously failed you...
on so many levels.
An acronym is a pronounceable formation...
made by a combination of letters.
I told you.
So, now, can anyone tell me what SCUBA stands for?
Come on. Someone take a stab at it.
Mr. Hunter, you haven't spoken since the fourth grade.
S-c-u-b-a. What does it stand for?
Something's... creepy...
under... boat... Andy.
Mr. Matthews was closer with duba.
Very well. Take it away, Mr. Minkus.
No.
I beg your pardon?
I don't want to know everything.
I Want to fit in.
I want to be one of the normal stupid guys.
I'm going with duba.
All right.
Mr. Minkus obviously does not know.
Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
Thank you.
I hate myself.
You're not alone.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, Cory, you got a box on your face.
Hey. Get up.
Somebody just put a box on your face.
Cory, don't wake up!
There's no box on your face!
Huh? You lie. There is a box on my face.
What do you think it is?
I bet I know.
"For my little boy...
"who is about to become a little man.
"Happy birthday. Love, Dad."
It's not a buck knife.
No, it's not.
You got a buck knife. I got a necklace.
Well, it's because Dad doesn't like you...
and wants you to leave.
But this is my "becoming a man" gift from Dad.
I feel very bad for me.
Yeah, well, get over it because, to Dad...
somehow these little trinkets are important.
You mean, I've got to act grateful?
That's right, and you got to wear this sucker.
For how long?
Well, Dad's still a relatively young man.
What am I going to do?
I'd say your only way out of this one...
is to get married, have kids, and pass it on.
I'm just going to pretend I never found it.
It was on your face.
I'm sorry, honey, but today our son's going to love me...
just a little bit more than he loves you.
Well, one day a year, I think I can handle it.
Yeah, it's not every day...
that a son gets his father's silver gloves.
You know, considering...
how many punches you took to this face...
you don't look too shabby.
- Mom, I'm late! Did you sign... - Yes, your permission slip.
You gonna listen to everything your scuba instructor tells you?
- Yeah, yeah. - No goofing around with Shawn?
No, no.
How long after eating before going in that water?
Mom! Whatever answer gets me in the pool.
- Thirty minutes. - Half an hour.
- Deal. - Hi, son.
Oh, hi, Dad.
Yeah, thanks for the little silver mittens.
They really mean a lot to me.
Really. Bye.
Well, that's oK if he didn't like it.
You know, it's not like I gave it to him...
to get one of those Kodak moments.
I feel very bad.
Alan, love of my life...
did you by any chance explain to Cory...
the meaning of those silver gloves?
Not yet.
Well, then how's he supposed to know they're important?
I put them on his face.
Alan, Cory has no idea that you even won those gloves.
Hi. What's on my face?
Nothing.
And what are we going to do about that?
Morgan.
Cory present, Morgan present.
Let's go. I'll act surprised.
Morgan, honey, remember how you're no longer a baby?
Uh-huh. I'm Mommy and Daddy's big girl.
That's right, and now that you're a big girl...
it's not hard for you to understand...
that you don't have to get a present...
every time it's somebody else's birthday.
But you always used to give me presents...
on Cory and Eric's birthdays.
That's because we didn't want you to feel bad, sweetie.
Well, I feel bad now.
Don't you cave in on me, mister.
Oh, come on.
Let me buy her love while I can still afford it.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Luke, I am your father.
What's that for, seeing out of submarines?
For breathing. Didn't you ever go snorkeling?
No, never. Did you?
Sure, in my bathtub.
You can totally see things growing down there.
You know, I was meant for this underwater life...
because I am...
Scuba Boy!
What?
Man, Cory, you're the whitest white boy I have ever seen.
Oh, yeah? Let's see what you got.
Think I'm afraid to take my shirt off?
That's what I'm thinking.
I got nothing to hide.
I'm thinking that, too.
Yeah, well, let me warn you.
I've been working out.
I have pumped... me up.
How come you're wearing a shirt?
Well, because otherwise...
I look like you.
It's not very evolved to ridicule the human form.
Each of our bodies...
is the master creation of Mother Nature.
Well, except for Minkus.
He was created by Mother Goose.
Anybody ready for a dip?
Yep, and here he comes.
Minkus, you look like a stick of Juicy Fruit.
You wearing a wet suit, too, Mother Nature?
No.
What's the matter? No funny remarks?
Uh, you got anything?
I got nothing.
Uh, you got anything?
Snap out of it.
She's just a girl in a bathing suit.
Insult her.
No. From now on, I'm gonna be insulting you.
- Topanga? - Yes, Stuart?
You're beautiful.
That's very sweet, Stuart. My superficial side thanks you.
What is Minkus doing?
I don't know, but he's doing it better than us.
Hey, what's with the necklace?
Oh, my dad gave it to me.
It's one of those really important...
father-son gifts that you don't understand what it is.
Been there. My dad once gave me...
a gold-plated tire pressure gauge...
he won at the company bowling tournament.
Try getting psyched over that.
I wonder what happens when I pull this.
[HISSING]
Now I know.
Have you taken leave of your senses?
You can endanger the safety of yourself and others.
No touching the equipment until the dive master gets here.
Yeah, who is this dive master anyway?
I don't care who it is, as long as it gets us...
out of school, underwater, and away from Feeny.
Good afternoon, fellow divers.
BOTH: Aah!
Yes, Mr. Matthews, Mr. Hunter...
I'm a certified dive master and have been for years.
OK, I'm thinking Upholstery Club.
Now, the first rule of diving is never dive alone.
Therefore, I would like each of you...
to select a partner to be your diving buddy.
- Buddy? - Buddy.
- Buddy? - oK.
Oh, how cute.
It's the Little Mermaid and Aqua Nerd.
Now, one of our first drills will be buddy breathing...
where you share your regulator...
and breathe through the same mouthpiece.
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b.
Did you brush your teeth this morning?
I'm not sure. What day is it?
No, of course I know your name is Donna.
Vicky's just a little pet name I like to use.
You know, like honey, darling, Vicky.
You're going to hang up on me now, aren't you?
Yes, you are. oK.
Hey, how come you're not wearing...
the little silver mittens Dad gave you?
What?
I must have left them at the pool.
No big deal. I'll buy him another pair tomorrow.
Eric, scuba is so cool.
Look. I stayed under the water for 20 minutes.
Your fingers look like Grandma's neck.
Hey, guys.
- Hey, Dad. - Hey, Dad.
Cory, it occurred to me today...
that I never really explained to you...
about that gift I gave you this morning.
It's oK, Dad.
A gift like that doesn't really need explaining.
No, well, I explained to Eric...
about Grandpa's buck knife after I gave it to him.
Have I told you lately how much I love that knife, Dad?
You know, in the Navy, I was on the boxing team.
- Really? - Yeah, I wasn't half bad either.
You used to get in the ring and duke it out with other guys?
What does this have to do with the silver mittens?
They're not silver mittens. They're silver gloves.
I won them for coming in second place.
Is second place that good?
There's only two guys in the ring.
Not second place in one boxing match.
Second in my weight division...
in the entire United States Navy.
What?
Yeah. That's why I'm so proud...
of those little silver gloves.
So, who'd you lose to, Dad?
The baddest, meanest, ugliest guy in the Navy.
I fought him in the championship fight.
Did you hear that, Cor? The championship.
- I heard. - This was a brutal fight.
- Was there blood? - oh, buckets.
Buckets!
See, the funny thing is, I thought it was his blood.
I thought I had the fight won...
till the referee held up the other guy's arm.
See, my eye was kind of hanging out of its socket.
Which I should have realized because I was looking...
at his head and his shoes at the same time.
Boy, Dad, you really must have fought your heart out...
to win those little silver gloves.
Yeah, so I lost a little depth perception.
But to tell you the truth, Cor...
as good as it was to win those silver gloves...
what was great was hoping...
that someday I'd have a son to pass them on to.
And did you?
Yes, I did, huh?
I thought you guys'd just like...
to hear about it, so I'll see you at dinner.
See you, Dad.
No, they're not mittens on a chain, oK?
They happen to be the silver boxing gloves...
of the second best boxer in the whole United States Navy.
Yeah. Yeah... oK, thanks.
They're not at the comic book store either?
No. They're nowhere in the whole world.
But I'm gonna find them.
I'm gonna retrace every step I took today.
You know, Cor, if you just kept them wrapped up...
like my buck knife...
none of this ever would have happened.
You told me to wear them!
Sometimes you got to know when to ignore me.
Huh? Look.
I thought that knife didn't mean that much to you.
It doesn't. I just make it look like it does.
I keep it wrapped up, and I polish it.
I mean, I might not be into it...
but maybe my kid will get a kick out of it someday, huh?
- Eric... - Yeah?
I've got to find those gloves, and I need you to cover for me.
Just tell Mom and Dad I went to Shawn's for dinner.
- OK, you're covered. - All right, thanks.
Hey, be careful. Not that I care.
Cory, dinner.
Eric, where is your brother?
I don't know. oh, no, wait, I do know.
He said he was going to Shawn's for dinner...
and I told him to go right ahead.
Oh, and you felt that...
that was in the realm of your authority?
I did. After all, I am the oldest boy...
and, after tonight, quite possibly the only boy...
but I kid the family.
Come in.
Yeah, hi, Eric. Good to see you, too.
Hello, Shawn.
How you guys doing? Is Cory here?
No, of course he's not, Shawn.
As you well know, Cory's at your house having dinner.
Right, right.
Cory is at my house and I did know that.
Eric Would be correct there.
Well, then why are you here?
Why am I, as in me, here?
I think that's one Eric could handle. Eric?
It's plain as day.
Sure. oh, well, of course.
See, obviously Cory sent Shawn over here...
to see what we were having for dinner...
to decide if he made the wise choice...
in going to Shawn's house for dinner.
And why didn't he just call?
Ha ha! Shawn, you're hurting me.
Pathetic.
No... no, it's not pathetic.
It's not pathetic for me...
because I'm not in this family...
so I can leave.
Eric, what's going on?
Where's Cory?
I honestly don't know where Cory is.
Alan, it's after dark. I'm kind of worried.
So am I. How is he going to survive in the adult world...
if he can't come up with a better cover story?
[SPLASH]
MR. FEENY: Mr. Matthews!
Mr. Matthews! Mr. Matthews!
CORY: Uh-oh!
Mr. Matthews, didn't you hear a word I said today?
Diving alone is not only stupid, it's dangerous.
There isn't even a lifeguard on duty.
This has got to be...
the most half-baked idea you've ever had.
CORY: No. no. It was fuLLy-baked.
Look. Mr. Feeny. you have to Listen to me.
I Lost my father's silver gloves...
and I have to find them.
You're dripping on my oxfords.
Now put your clothes on and go home.
Cory! Thank God you're alive!
[SIGHS] Now I'm going to kill you.
I'm sorry, Mom.
Dad, I'm sorry.
I lost your silver gloves.
I didn't know how important they were to you.
Mr. Feeny just called and said you snuck...
into the "Y" and you were diving by yourself.
Is that true?
I tried to find the gloves.
Cory, I don't care about those gloves.
Dad, yes, you do. You know you do.
Yes, I care about them. That's why I gave them to you.
And when I was young and in the Navy...
they were the most important thing in the world to me.
But now I don't care if I lose those silly gloves.
I care if I lose you. Huh? You understand that?
Maybe it's best if I never leave home.
Bad things only happen when I leave.
Alan, he's grounding himself.
Don't let him take that away from us.
Sorry, Mom. Go ahead and ground away.
Why don't you just go upstairs, dry off, and go to bed?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Amy.
- George. - Alan.
Thanks for being there tonight, George.
Mr. Feeny, you didn't come over to yell at me more, did you?
No, I can wait until we're back in class for that.
I just thought that maybe you'd want these.
Mr. Feeny, I can't believe this!
This is great! Thank you!
How did I get here?
We'll pretend it never happened.
Well, good night all.
Wait a minute.
How come it was oK for you to go diving...
without a buddy, but not for me?
I didn't have to go diving, Einstein.
They were in the filter.
You see what you give me to work with?
Dad, here.
What are you doing? I gave these to you.
No. I don't deserve them, at least not yet.
Just hold onto them for me now...
and give them back to me...
on the most important day of my life.
When will that be?
Whatever day you give them back.
You want me to lie to Mommy?
Of course not. I don't want you to lie to Mommy.
I just want this to be a secret between you and me.
OK. What is it?
Yes!
Go on. open it.
Thank you, Daddy.
Oh, you're welcome.
What's the matter?
Did you win this horse when you were in the Navy?
No.
Then why is this important?
Well, it's important because you wanted it...
and I went to the store...
and I bought it for you with my money.
Did you win this horse when you were in the Navy?
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